The Wrong Trousers

As soon as I picked them up, I knew they were the wrong trousers, but my imagination already had hold of the vision and swept into fantasy mode.  It's me wearing these cool white trousers, looking pristine and summery; the sun is shining, there are tweety birds and my hair is all swooshy too (that's how I know it's a fantasy) there's a fuzzy glow that you get in those dream sequences where everything looks great.

(of course that picture isn't me ha ha ha ha!)


Suddenly my brain says (in a Monty Python way) 'STOP THAT!'  - Of course I can't own these trousers - they are WHITE.

I am a Olympic Gold standard clumsy clutz, wearing white trousers would just simply be too tempting for the Goddess of Stains and Splashes who visits my life daily.  I can see her planning her mishap of beetroot right now.

I will brush past my dirty car, drop some food in my lap, have the cat jump on my knees with dirty paws and that's before I have Leia's sticky hands  ..................

I DO like them; how can I wear these lovely white trousers, while at the same time keeping them as far away from me as possible?

Before I knew what I'd done I'd paid for the trousers and was walking away with them in a bag.  I am determined to be one of those women who can wear white trousers.  Well I'll give it a go anyway.

So I can wear them, but not go anywhere, sit, eat, drink, be near anyone or do anything.  Or I can just carry on being my clumsy self and have the industrial strength bleach on stand by.

So - Bets are on for the time it takes to mark/blemish/stain/smudge (including minus times - there is a possibility they could get dirty before I actually put them on)

Incredible Powers

Last Friday night me and my boyfriend were watching X-Men Origins -Wolverine and it prompted a discussion on the incredible ‘super’ powers and what powers would be great to have.

So, after the usual discussions of the X-Men characters; the one that is super-fast, the one who has laser eyes, Magneto (yay! I remembered one of their names) and the one Sir Patrick Stewart plays (Oh – interesting fact: Sir Patrick is from West Yorkshire, like me, you can tell with his accent ha ha ha ha)

Being able to turn invisible at a moment’s notice sounds kinda cool, as does being able to fly.   With both of these being totally out of reach, I began wondering what I could do to lower my sights somewhat.

So here’s a list of ‘powers’ I would like to acquire – these belong to someone who’s super power is being Un-Clumsy:

•  The ability to concentrate on doing one thing at once (Multi-tasking is excellent, but the more balls that are thrown at the juggler, the more are dropped)

•  The ability to have time to complete all one’s daily tasks comfortably, from start to finish uninterrupted.

• Having crockery that is un-chipped

• Having glassware that matches (rather than looking like a bric-a-brac shelf in a Charity shop)

• The ability to look where you are going (thus avoiding walking into things and getting terrible bruises in fantastic colours.  Who said purple doesn’t go with green? Although having adamantium coated bones would help!)

• Having a stain free carpet (maybe this Super Power involves owning a Vax?)

• The ability to consistently speak coherent sentences (rather than randomly blurting out words and leaving the recipient to put the words into an understandable sentence)

•  The ability to make sharp, speedy decisions (rather than deliberate on doing the washing up or put a dark load in to wash)

• Have a good memory, to not have to write ‘To-Do’ lists …… (has anyone ever written something they have already done on their to-do list, just so they can strike it off with a flourish and feel a little smug?)

So, the ‘Un-Clumsy’ super powers still seem out of reach for me, but you never know; one day, when disaster strikes and the only things that will save us are; two chipped bowls, a half done ‘to-do’ list and a schnapps stained carpet – give me a call - I’m your super hero!!